Gyms are for wimps!

I walk into the house on my return from work and all is serene, George eating his dinner and watching Peppa Pig, Sharon is feeding Claudia on the sofa and the house is nice and warm. This is not good. What I need and fairly often get is George whinging that he doesn't need dinner but needs Peppa Pig, Claudia screaming as she is getting tired and Sharon stressed because of the children, the Holy Trinity of family bliss. Now that scenario is an incentive to go running (and running and running). So after feeding time at the Gardner Zoo is over Sharon and myself take the boy and girl up to bed, I then get changed into my running gear whilst Sharon starts cooking her dinner. Jesus am I hungry since I started training again. Although I would prefer to cook my dinner and watch Heston Blumenthal take on Little Chef I step into the cold and wet for another run. Tonight's run is a straight forward 5 miler. I say straightforward but when it's chuffing cold and there's icy rain which is getting heavier and the ground slippier it is not always the case. My usual route is 4 miles so I adapt this and lengthen the back half. I end up running down Uxbridge Road out of the safe haven of Shepherd's Bush into the lawless wilderness that is Acton. By the time I reach the King's Arms my bottle goes and I turn right up East Acton Lane as this will loop me back towards the A40 then the Bush. Half way up the lane I start to run passed The Park Club, one of the most exclusive and chuffing expensive health clubs in the country. Amazingly it's in the middle of west London but has about 27 acres of fields, gardens, tennis courts etc. I run on and on along The Park boundary and I see into the gym - Ruperts, Giles's and Tamara's trotting along on running machines and vibra-plates though not fast enough to break a sweat and disturb their coiffured hair-styles. What a big bunch of wusses. Real Men Run. I think I am becoming a fitness-guerrilla and will have to start posting poo through gym letterboxes**. I loop around the Lane until I reach Bromyard Avenue and run passed Virgin Active and then back onto the Uxbridge Road. The rain is now quite heavy and icy cold, only a mile to go. I turn up Old Oak Road toward the ever-fecking-present A40 then it's along the A40 and home. By now I am soaked and the grounds wet enough that I do catch a lot of spray as lorries thunder passed. (not to self - keep mouth closed when running by A40). I get home and shower, time to relax then BANG, a thump on the floor and a scream in the baby monitor, George has fell out of bed and promptly thrown up. Mmmm shall I go for another run?



**This obviously will exclude the Virgin Active gym that backs onto The Park. I used to be a member and Sharon is now rejoining so she can exercise while the kids go in the creche.

FCB - 8 DP - 5 H - 2

I'm a Road Runner baby!

Tonight is my least favourite type of training mainly because it's hard. Tonight is working on speed so it's a mile warm up, 1 mile fast, 1/4 mile jog, 1 mile fast, 1/4 mile jog, 1 mile fast, 1 mile warm down. I think the biggest problem is it is a bit of a shock to the system and the shins. My body happily plods along for mile after mile but when it is suddenly asked to go fast it protests. So after putting the little angels to bed and kissing Sharon goodbye, for I do fear that I may never return, I head out into the night. Another problem with the speed sessions is people, dogs, cars and buses getting in the way so I choose a new route. There is a roughly square route from my house upto and along the A40 and home again which I guess is about 1.5 miles, so if I follow this route I won't end up far from home. Additionally the route is usually fairly empty - not many people decide to walk along the WestWay if they can help it. The view of 3 lanes of traffic each way leading into and out of London, the back of several blocks of flats including refuse areas and a Homebase are not big crowd pullers. After the warm up I start the first fast mile. The main problem I had was the Garmin kept bleeping and flashing to tell me whether I was too fast, too slow or in the zone but my arm was moving up and down too much for me to read it. Eventually I settled into a fast pace and hit the A40. My plan had worked I encountered 3 people : 2 old ladies I scared the life out of as I approached fast from behind (ooo-er) and a drunk stumbling along with a 2.5 litre bottle of White Lightening which is the drink of choice for the discerning alcoholic. The issue with passing a piss-head is that you never know which way they are going to stumble next, my tactic is to approach fast, slow for the last 10 metres then make a choice and sprint passed. This time it worked, I went to the right, he feinted to the left, as I passed he spun round 360 degrees in a surprisingly graceful pirouette and carried on totally oblivious to all events. The end of the first fast mile took me just passed Homebase, which reminded me I needed light bulbs (now there's a bright idea). For quarter of a mile I jogged slowly and just before reaching my house I started the second mile. The remainder of the run went smoothly, for the last mile I decided to extend the circuit so I had a decent distance to warm down. This extended circuit took me passed 2 pubs and a cafe so by the time I reached home I was starving. Unfortunately the smells of beer, chips and fried food that had given me such an appetite translated into a piece of steamed salmon with tomatoes and peppers.

I have put the usual tallys at the bottom of this blog however I cannot vouch they are 100% accurate. During the speed miles I tend to be fairly blinkered. the only category I can guarantee is the DP number for this is very important when running.

FCB - 6 DP - 3 H - 1

God is a runner!

Sunday morning and Sharon is stressed. She is trying to lose the lapsed part of her lapsed Catholic status and is attending mass on a Sunday morning. (Disclaimer: this activity is in no way associated with Sharon trying to ensure that George and Claudia have a chance of attending one of the local Catholic schools that have received excellent OFSTED reports) Mass is at 9:15 or 11:00, due to Claudia's feeding patterns the 9:15 session is the best one so Lionel Richie is completely wrong, there is nothing easy about Sunday morning. To compound matters George is not feeling well. A compromise is struck - Sharon will go to church with Claudia and save our souls, George will go to his nans and I will go running and wear out my soles (sorry very poor but I'm struggling for material).
I help load the kids into the car and Sharon sets off to drop off George and repent our sins and stop us burning in hell. The 'lazy devil' appears on my left shoulder saying "Paul, she's gone for over an our, go and watch Match of the Day, when you hear the car just splash water on your face and pretend to have just got back". "Get thee behind me Satan" I shout which mildly surprises my neighbour as she walks to her car. I dismiss that thought and get ready to run.
The plan is an 8 mile run along the river. I set off about 9:10 and it's cold but very sunny. The garmin quickly picks up a signal and I'm off. After about 5 minutes I am running passed the Church Sharon is in, suddenly there is black clouds everywhere and I seem crows in the trees. As I put distance between myself and the church the sun emerges and I run through Ravenscourt Park full of the joys of nearly Spring. Soon I'm through the park and onto King's Street passing dog walkers and dad's pushing screaming kids in buggies. I turn up Black Lion Lane, cross the subway, Black Lion Lane and then I'm on the river. The weather is great, I've warmed up and the sun is bright. Up to Hammersmith Bridge, passed the 4 paraletic polish drunks in their Sunday best for church, over the bridge then up the track toward Barnes. The heavy overnight rain means that there are large puddles and muddy patches, fortunately as it is quite early there are not many runners. I head up to Barnes Bridge with only a few slips and slides and hit 4.5 miles, so I decide this is now a 9 mile run. Instead of retracing my steps I decide to cross the bridge (one of only 3 London rail bridges that has pedestrian crossing as well) and head back on the north side of the river. By the time I get back toward Hamersmith Bridge the Rutland is doing a good breakfast business and all the rowing clubs are out. I then head back up Black Lion Lane and up to Ravenscourt. As I pass the church it is quiet being between services. As I reach my front gate the Garming flicks to 9 miles exactly. Sharon has collected George and has beat me home by a minute. The run was really good, I felt good went faster than the scheduled pace and could have gone on a lot longer. So it's upstairs for a shower and watch out ladies I am now using Lynx Vice, apparently it turns nice girls naughty.

FCB - 11 DP - 5 H - 3 (miserable bastards)

Early doors

The Friday run is always a problem mainly as I often meet friends in the local (www.princessvictoria.co.uk) for an end of week beer and if I do that it then means I need to catch up on a run on Saturday and this eats further into precious weekend and family time. I have the nearly ideal solution - go for a run early Friday morning before work. I say nearly ideal as since Claudia was born 5 and a half months ago the longest uninterrupted sleep Sharon or myself have had is 4 hours so getting up earlier is a big thing. So Thursday night I lay out my running gear and contact lenses so I can sneak downstairs quietly and not disturb any one. Claudia wakes us up at about 3:30am and after a feed goes back to sleep about 4, this gives me another 1h45m of sleep if I drag my carcass out of bed for the run or a beautiful 3 hours sleep if I cave in and wuss out like other certain individuals might, Mr Williams. 5.45am I am lying there wondering whether to stay or go, then suddenly divine intervention! I suddenly need a pee, I need to get up anyway so I might as well go for a run (after I've had a pee). So 10 minutes later I am out the house and off round the usual course for 4 miles. The rain has stopped but it's chuffing cold and dark, so dark I don't see the large deep puddle as I approach the first mile. For the next 3 miles I run on with a squelching right foot. Run completed, shower, dress and it's off to work. By 10:30 I remember one of the main problems with last years training which was mainly early morning runs - I am bloody starving even though I've had a bowl of porridge and raisins from the canteen. I hold out until 12:30 where during a lunchtime meeting I have wolfed down my wholemeal pasta and steamed salmon before the introductions are finished!

On the way home from work I pop into the Princess Vic and meet friends. A week of abstinence is over, whilst ordering a round including my low fat London Pride Lite I chat to one of the owners, Matt who asks if I'm losing weight, I've always liked Matt. I explain about the marathon training and chance my arm and ask for sponsorship from the pub. I'm in luck and now I need to send Matt details of my JustGiving site and also this blog. You may notice a few references and links to the pub in following blogs! It's true I am now prostituting myself to local businesses to raise money!


FCB - 6 DP - 3 H - 2

Do I or don't I?

Southend vs Chelsea kicks off at 8:10pm. For once TV scheduling has worked in my favour, this gives me enough time to get home help Sharon get the little angels to bed and get out for the 5 miles the Training Centre software tells me I have scheduled and still get home and showered intime for the footy. All goes smoothly and by 7:15 I am in the garden warming up and getting wet in the light rain. I turn on my Garmin and select Today's Workout - nothing, there is nothing on the screen! According to my watch I have a night off, according to the computer I don't. A moral dilemma - no need to run but I'm ready and it would be a wasted opportunity. I come up with a cunning deviation on Heads & Tails. If within the next 3 minutes the Garmin picks up a signal I will run if it doesn't I get a night off. 2 minutes 30 seconds and I think I can take my trainers off, oh bugger 20 seconds to freedom and the garmin bleeps into action. So off for a slow 5 miles, actually it's a fairly fast 5 miles as I need to get home for the football. The run is fairly incident free and indeed boring so I have created a new game to keep me alert. On all future blogs you will notice a legend at the bottom such as :
FCB - 3
DP - 2
H - 4
The key is FCB - Fried Chicken boxes, DP - Dog poo, H - Hello's from other runners.
After a good 5 mile run I return to the house to catch Sharon finishing off her Davina 30 minute work-out, what a fit family we are!

FCB - 7 DP - 4 H - 3

Slow, slow, quick, quick, slow

Bit of a change in training tonight - instead of just a steady run it's 1 mile slow, 1.5 fast, 0.5 slow/recovery, 1.5 fast and 1 mile slow. I set off on my normal route knowing I wouldn't end up too far from home. Unfortunately I didn't consider the heavy cloud cover would stop the Garmin picking up a signal for about 2 miles of gentle running. So when the garmin kicked in I decided to do a fast 2 miles then a 1 mile warm down. To my surprise the fast 2 miles wasn't too bad apart from having to barge passed a group of wannabe 14 year old gangstas who didn't want to get out my way. Now this could have been a dangerous thing to do as a knife is de-rigeur for a 14 year old in Shepherds Bush, however they were all eating KFC's and looked to fat and unfit to give chase. Luckily I was right. Tomorrow I will go out 30 minutes later just to make sure they will be tucked up in bed as per the terms of their ASBO's. Apart from that it was a very uneventful run so I won't bore you any longer.

Did I do Davina?

Monday was a rest day after Sundays long run. However Sharon has kicked off her new healthy eating and exercise regime (I knew the exercise mat I got her for Christmas would come in handy). Sharon was planning to start with 30 minutes of a Davina DVD though it wasn't until Monday morning I realised she was expecting more than morale support for this but me actually dressing up like Leroy from Fame and taking part. Luckily the broken toilet cistern came to my rescue and my Davina workout had to be skipped for a trip to Homebase.
By 8pm Sharon had finished her exercises and was tucking into a healthy meal and I was pulling my hand out of the toilet and checking that the flush now worked - success all round.

Easy like Sunday morning....

The first scheduled long run - 7 miles at an easy pace. So it's up at 7:30 with the kids and sort out George's breakfast (Claudia is still the sole responsibility of Sharons and her breasts). After eating a proposterously healthy breakfast of porridge, raisins and honey, watch a bit of Scooby Doo with George and potter aimlessly around the house I change into my running gear and head off. It's a glorious day much warmer than recent runs and the sun is shining bright. I decide to head off toward the river. The garmin kicks in after about half a mile and the 7 mile count down starts. I run through a few backstreets dodging KFC boxes and dog poo then down Askew Road dodging KFC boxes, sick, people on the way to church and yes, dog poo. I enter Ravenscourt Park and see many other fellow runners doing the tight thing - avoiding Tesco's, church, DIY and children using the excuse of getting fit. I run through the park on to King Street, still avoiding the occasional excesses of the night before - the pavement pizza though the street is remarkably absent of any indication that a dog has been down her.
After crossing the M4 via the subway I run passed the Black Lion (great pub by the river) and onto the river front. I head up to Hammersmith Bridge in convoy with many runners, cyclist and speed walkers/slow runners. Crossing the bridge you enter into a new world, running along the river on a stone & mud track, trees on one side the river on the other. This side of the river attracts tunners, cyclists and a few dog-walkers but very few walkers, tourists or other gits who might get in my way. I run at a decent pace up to Barnes Bridge where the GPS indicates 4 miles covered, so I head back thinking I will hit 7 miles fairly near the house. My calculations are a little out. I retrace my steps and more things have come to life - the river pubs are open and the tables outside full of people drinking bloody marys and eating fried breakfasts, families are out strolling along the river, all the rowing clubs are busy and people are now leaving the churches. As I reenter Ravenscourt Park my GPS beeps and the 7 miles is up. I'm feeling good so carry on at the same pace heading for home. As I approach the finish I pass my local the Princess Vic (www.princessvictoria.co.uk) which is filling up and the smell of beer and roast beef is very tempting. I arrive home haveing completed 8.5 miles with no problem.
Sharon has a pregnant friend visiting - Nic and they are busy talking babies, eating and drinking wine (just a small one for Nic obviously). So I warm down, shower and arrange to meet Nic's husband Pat for a cheeky Guinness in the Vic!

The best laid plan......

Well the plan was to drop Sharon, George and Claudia off at a childrens party at 11:00am, drive home then set off for a short run. In reality what happened was the family Gardner were running a bit late, at 11:15 Sharon told me about the leaking radiator in the bathroom and the broken cistern in the toilet. Unfortunately the leak was worse than I thought and the large wok catching the water was filling up quickly. So I dropped Sharon & co off at 11:50, went to Homebase to buy various plumbing bits and bobs, light bulbs and batteries, got home at 12:35. I then spent an hour fixing the radiator, 20 minutes changing various lightbulbs, realising I was hungry and eating spaghetti hoops then spending 30 minutes unsuccessfully working on the broken cistern. Then it was time to pick Sharon and the kids up, there goes my run

Just needed to say...

......being on a health regime and drinking lots of water to keep hydrated does not take into account two 2 hour back to back meetings. I thought I was going to explode

Positively tropical

According to the running schedule it's another 4 miler tonight, according to my bodies schedule it's fish and chips and Guinness tonight, according to the TV schedule it's Derby v Man Utd tonight. My currently strong will power crushes the second option and my loathing of Manure means I do not mind missing the first half (I later regret this when Derby score the winner in the 30th minute.
So at 7.30 I am standing in my back garden waiting for the satelite signal, it is then a mad dash through the house so I don't lose the signal, (sorry to Boogie the cat and more specifically his tail) and start running. It's just above freezing tonight which feels great after the previous night of minus 4 and it's raining slightly which I don't mind - stops me looking like I just sweat a lot.
The run goes without a hitch which must be a first for me. I am so used to this route now that I could navigate by smell and sound alone - the chlorine from the swimming pool, the traffic and fumes from the A40, the smell of urine from the underpass, the tube at White City, the banal chatter of media geeks from Television Centre, traffic on Shepherd's Bush Green, bread smell from the 24 hour bakers, grilled meats from Abu Zaad Lebanese restaurant, smoke and beer from the White Hart and William Hill's, Swarma kebab, fried rat from KFC, realtive quiet down toward Acton, car fumes heading back to A40 then the swimming pool and home. I might try this tomorrow to liven up the run.
Back at home everything is good - I feel virtuous due to my run, Derby are beating Manure and my low-fat, low carb, high protein chicken and vegetable curry is simmering nicely.

I am going out, I may be some time........

As we enter the 2009 the training gets serious, I have now started the Runner's World training schedule. using the appliance of science the schedule is downloaded to my laptop and uploaded to my Garmin GPS. Tonights run is a steady 4 miles. So there I am standing outside the house in running tights and fleece waiting for the Garmin to pick up a satellite. 3 freezing minutes later I am off running. I am not a religious man but Jesus it was freezing. After 5 mins I can't feel my fingers or my feet. More worryingly is that another one of my extremities seems to have dissappeared but I'll come back to this later. The run goes very smoothly for about 2.5 miles, the cold weather keeping most people off the streets. As I approach 3 miles I feel something very cold on my inner thigh, I am sure I haven't wet myself as that would actually warm me and I would see the steam. Then I realise what it is - as I was trying to increase the volume on "Smack ma bitch up" I inadvertently tipped my door key out of my tights pocket and it was working it's way down my leg. Once it reached my knee I had to stop and retrieve it. Now I understand that a man in tights bending over putting one arm up his leg isn't that appealing an image so I do apologise to the passengers on the 207 bendy bus to Ealing that pulled up at this point at the Wormholt Road bus-stop and I thank them for not calling the police. After this I continued a realtively easy run home.
As I walked into the house and into the living room I was greeted by Sharon's hairdresser asking me "How's your willy Paul, is it still there?". Thats the last time I discuss the side effects of running in the cold with my wife

The Ricky Hatton diet plan

So I was all geared up to get home, don my running tights and hit the mean streets of west London then I receive the text! It's my beloved, Sharon "George staying at mums, fancy a drink". I decide to say no and continue with my training plans and begin to text back. Then I am attacked by a very strange form of dyslexia, as I go to type "No thanks, need to train" my fingers hit a strange sequence of keys that spell out "Great, see you in the Vic just after 6", before I know it I have hit send and my fate is sealed. A couple of hours later I am sitting on a bar stool in my local supping a pint of Guinness, Sharon next to me drinking a small carafe of white wine. After a second drink we head for home. In my head I justify these actions by deciding my muscles need time to re-energise and obviously Guinness Is Good For You.
For those of you now worried about my commitment - I have paid for my indiscrection with a 5 mile early morning run this morning in the icy pouring rain. As I reached mile number 3 I passed the Princess Victoria and curse the hold it has over me!

A man, a bike and a shed....

Last night's training was an hours hard cycling on the exercise bike. So on returning from work it was on with the padded pants, workout vest and fleece and down the garden path to the shed. Sky Sports News on the TV, heater on and off I go. After about 2 minutes two feline faces appear at the shed door mewing to be let in. I think "what would Lance do?" then carry on cycling ignoring their sad little faces. After 10 minutes they realise there's no hope and trot off back to the house. After about 15 minutes the shed and myself are very warm so it's off with the fleece and I manage to turn the heater off with a flailing leg. 25 minutes into the ride and I'm up to date with all the sports news so off with the TV and on with the music, oh the joy of the remote control. As I push on I sense that I am being watched, looking through the shed windows I spot my neighbours children staring at me from their bedroom window probably wondering what the hell I am doing in a freezing cold shed making the windows steam up. For the last 5 minutes I up the intensity and almost tip the bike over with my exertions, dangerous business this. As the 60 minutes ends I do a 5 min warm down then it's fleece on, lights off, alarm on, shed locked and back down the garden path

Cold, damn cold

Apologies that there have been no entries for a while I have a plethora of plausible excuses - children with chicken pox, no sleep, busy at work and many many others I will save for a later date! Training is still progressing, the shorter runs are getting easier, the exercise bike sessions are getting longer and my motivation is on the up.
Last night's short run around the infamous Shepherds Bush circuit was for the majority without incident. Wood Lane is now fairly busy until 10pm due to the shopping hell which is Westville so I found myself in the road a fair bit dodging buses and bikes. I continued Rocky-style in the road coming along Uxbridge Road avoiding hoodies, mad drunks, an emptying mosque and a queue to get into Bush Hall to watch some wishy-washy, vegie-eating folk singer. The hardest part of the run was not the crowds, not the cold, not the smells but having to run passed my local, the Princess Victoria. I could actually hear the Guinness calling me and sobbing as I ran passed and ignored it's mermaid like song. After just over 4 miles I arrived home to the smell of steamed sprouts, I knew I should have done another mile. I warmed down, tripped over Boogie the cat, had a shower and settled down with a bowl of pasta and salmon.

And he's off...

The good news is the leg is much better, the bad news is it's not good enough to run on yet. However I have managed to "procure" a decent exercise bike from friends Pat & Nic who are moving to Cambridge - cheers guys, so the cycling has now started and it hurts. I'll get home tonight help Sharon get George and Claudia to sleep then it's off to the shed/gym/office for one hours cycling and some upper body weights. I'm around the same weight as when I started training for the last marathon unfortunately I think a lot of the leg muscle has dissappeared and reappeared as a layer of fat around my stomach. This means as well as training I am now starting a healthy(ish) eating plan and cutting down on drinking. Now I remember why I said I'd never do another marathon!

Training has started......nearly

Right, I have my marathon place, I have my running kit, I have my blog, my JustGiving site, I have my motivation........

.......and I have an injury.
About 2 weeks ago my left leg swelled adly above the knee, after a visit to the GP, a visit to A&E and several needles in my leg the swelling has gone but the knee is still slightly painful. I have a physio session tomorrow and hope to go out for my first official "training" run on Sunday. Last year I picked up injuries toward the end of training and ended up running with a stress fracture. This year I am being clever - going to have all my injuries now! Hopefully my next post will be describing how the training run was a piece of cake and I feel great.

The man from FLM he says....

Last Thursday the doorbell rang and the postman handed me a package. It contained a rejection letter from FLM and the consolation Fleece of Failure. So my only option was a charity place like last year but I wanted a charity that I had a link to not just a large charity that afforded lots of places. Then it came to me, last year my friend Pat-Rick had mentioned a charity he was associated with - BabyLifeline, a unique national charity offering loving care and support to pregnant mothers and new born babies all over the UK. Unfortunately BabyLifeline was not successful in receiving any marathon places. I mailed BabyLifeline's founder and enquired whether there were places this year - after a 15 year wait the charity had finally been successful and had received 5 places. I have now reserved one of those places. My motivation is higher than last year even, I am now running for a charity that really needs funds, one that I can really support (particularly as we have a 9 week old baby - the gorgeous Claudia) and one that I have a personal connection with. Let the training commence.